Friday, February 14, 2014

Sleepy Time

Remember when I said breastfeeding was the hardest thing ever? Well, here's hardest thing ever #2, sleep. Sleep is the next hardest thing. At first, it doesn't seem like a big deal because newborns sleep all the time and young infants sleep a lot and their sleep doesn't need to be regulated. For the most part they just need to sleep a lot.

That was the case with Emily at first. She ate, slept, pooped around the clock with little issue (except during her growth spurts; those are awful).

Sleeping at the hospital

Sleeping at home (That was her "nope-nope" face)

Then a couple months later she wouldn't nap really well. And then she hit 4 months and everything kind of went down the drain. She was going through sleep regression and having a growth spurt at the same time. I think was also in her wonder week period, so lovely. It was not a fun time and for a week we were not happy campers; mom and dad were exhausted and baby was grumpy. She also decided that she would not sleep as well as she used to.

That's when I decided that it was time to sleep train. So here's been our journey so far.

Photos of a sleeping baby never gets old


Like I said before, she was a great sleeper at first. She hit her first growth spurt when we brought her home and for a few days all she did was cry. But after that, she was back to her usual routine. So I didn't really think much about sleep. I just assumed (shame on me) that she would just gradually have less sleep as she got older and when she was tired during the day, I would put her down for a nap. I also knew that we would have to eventually sleep train her and that would entail a lot of crying. Little did I know there was a science to baby sleep and a whole system and method.

Science #1 - Signs of Sleepiness:
  • Eye rubbing
  • Yawning
  • Crankiness/Fussiness
  • Loses interest in her surroundings
  • Glazed eyes
  • Eyes are a little red
  • Tugs on ear
  • Rubs face against your chest
For the first couple of months her nights were normal (waking up every 2-3 hours to nurse). I would nurse her until she fell asleep and then put her in her rock-n-play until she woke for her next feeding. The rock-n-play is awesome, it's basically a bassinet that rocks slightly and is angled. So not only can the baby be comforted by rocking but it's angled so there is less chance of spit up while they are sleeping. And they feel secure.

Nights continued to be fine but then I noticed that she was a finicky napper at around 2.5 months. She would fall asleep at the breast but the second I would put her down for her nap, her eyes would FLY open or she would fuss. So then I would have to keep nursing her. And it would end up that she would have napped the whole time in my arms. If she did go down for her nap, it would only be for 30 minutes. Very frustrating because I knew that she had to sleep more than that. I dealt with the naps though because I chalked it up to the fact that she wasn't a big napper. And as long as she was sleeping great at night, I let it go. I then learned that babies have a hard time transitioning from one sleep cycle to another. They do not have the skill to sooth themselves back to sleep so when they are in transition, which wakes them up, they can't fall back asleep. It was particularly frustrating because she would sleep wonderfully at daycare and she would have the shortest naps ever at home. I even asked them what their secret was and they really didn't have one. Sigh.

So naps were not so good but nights were good. Of course because things were going swell, something was bound to change. And change they did. Once she was about 3.5, I decided it was time for her to get out the rock-n-play and into her bassinet to get her ready to sleep in a crib and get her out of her swaddle blanet (FYI: The HALO Sleepsack Swaddle Blanket is the best thing ever). We steeled ourselves for a sleepless few nights. David in particular suffered quite a bit. Not only were were doing all these changes to Emily, but she was also waking up but not really needing to nurse. She was more aware of transitioning sleep cycles so would wake up and cry since she didn't know how to go back to sleep. The problem was I couldn't sooth her back to sleep because she expected to nurse from me so she would freak out even more when I tried to walk her to sleep. I would then have to nurse her, which would take an hour or more. The kicker being that she didn't really want to feed, she just wanted to comfort nurse until she fell asleep. So for a few weeks David woke up first and walked her and if that didn't work after 15 minutes or so, he would wake me so I could nurse her. For the most part, she would just need to be walked so when she cried for longer than 15 minutes, we knew shew as hungry.

Another problem was she was used to being swaddled and secure all around when she slept, so in the bassinet and one arm out of the swaddle blanket she woke up A LOT. She woke up at the slightest jerk of her arm and rock of her body since she was in a bigger space and one of her arms was free. Eventually, she adapted and was actually sleeping normally where she would wake twice in the night to feed.

Then just before she hit 4 months, she decided to go through her growth spurt, sleep regression and mental leap all at the same time.

Science #2 - Definitions:
  • Growth Spurt: Baby goes through a time where she grows at a faster rate than usual. This is generally around baby's 3rd day, 7-10 days, 2-3 weeks, 4-6 weeks, 3 months, 4 months, 6 months, 9 months.
  • Sleep Regression: Baby's sleep is affected because they reached a developmental milestone. Generally happens around 4 months, 9 months, 12 months, 18 months, 24 months
  • Mental Leaps: Also known as Wonder Week. Baby is going through a mental development. Basically a growth spurt for the brain. Generally happens around week 5,8,12,19,26,37,46,55,64,75
She was not a happy camper, especially at night. She would wake up at least 5 times and nurse almost all those times. We were at our wits end and knew it was time to get her into her own room and sleep train.

Before I go on, something important. Make sure you and your partner are on the same page. Being consistent is a huge factor in sleep training no matter what method you decide to go with. Also, have a great support system. This is going to be a trying time and having people behind will help you get through this. If it wasn't for David and a friend, I would have been a mess and stopped sleep training after the first night.

So sleep training.

Just like everything baby, there is a whole lot of thoughts and methods when it comes to sleep training you baby. After extensive research, I decided the best way for us was a modified cry-it-out method. I was really leaning towards the no-cry method because it was a really gentle way of sleep training your baby. But thinking about it more, I realized we were already doing half of the techniques that was mentioned in the book, but we weren't sure if we could stick it out for months. It's a great method so your baby isn't crying but it takes a very long time. On the other side of the spectrum is the cry-it-out method where you put your baby in their crib and they cry until they fall asleep. Well, I wasn't going to do that. Not only is the baby crying stressful but they will just cry until they are exhausted. Modified cry-it-out is the middle ground where you basically put your baby in their crib and have them cry it out but you go in to comfort them every so often (called Ferberizing). That way they know you're still around and they can try to figure out how to put themselves to sleep. The nice thing about the modified cry-it-out method is you can tailor the training to how often you go in to check on the baby. So our method was checking on her every 3, 5, 8, and 10 minutes thereafter for an hour. If she was still crying by then, I would go in and nurse for a bit, then put her back down. We would do this process until she fell asleep. Then when she wakes up in the middle of the night, you would start the process all over again.

Science #3:
Babies love routine. So before you start sleep training, I would get your baby used to a "going to sleep" routine so they know bedtime is coming.
Our "going to bed" routine looks something like this:
  1. Quiet play in her room with dimmed lights
  2. Bath time
  3. Reading time (sometimes we'll skip this if she is particularly grumpy)
  4. Nurse
  5. Lullaby and put in crib
The first night was AWFUL. It took her an hour and a half to finally fall asleep. I felt so bad that I just went in to nurse her for a bit when she fussed in the middle of the night, which was twice. The second night was better, she cried but it was less than an hour and when she woke in the middle of the night, I let her cry it out for an hour before I went in to nurse her. I figure she cried that long because she was hungry. Since she was 4 months when we started sleep training her, it was normal for her to wake for 1 or 2 feedings. The third night she went down in about 30 minutes.

She's been getting better ever since. Some nights she fusses longer than others but overall, she does get herself to sleep. She has also been better about soothing herself to sleep in the middle of the night. Waiting an hour, with checks every 15 minutes if she's really crying not whining, to go to her in the middle of the night is a good general rule of thumb for me. She makes so many sounds in her sleep, it lets me know that she really is probably hungry so I go and feed her. Sometimes she'll fuss when I put her back down after a feed, but she falls back asleep.

I didn't think I would do a cry-it-out method because I really didn't want her to cry. I was afraid that she would be shrieking and going hysterical causing her to gag or throw up. She did cry but it never went so far as the gagging and shrieking. She was very angry and crying was the only way to express that. I also read a great quote that helped us decide to do this method. The hypothetical question was if your baby was reaching for a knife would we give it to them? No. And if they cry and throw a tantrum would we cave and give it to them? No. They don't know that it's not safe for them to have the knife so we teach them that they cannot have the knife. We are basically teaching the baby how to sleep even if they are resistant to learning.

Same method goes for naps but instead of going through the method until she falls asleep, if she didn't fall asleep after an hour, we would get her out of bed. Then calm her down and try again within that hour. Something that will help a lot is to have fairly consistent nap times. That's difficult for us because she goes to daycare. She does nap at daycare, but they put her down when they see that she it ready to go down. No schedule. But if she is having really good naps, I'm okay with it.

It took several days for the initial training to stick but she has been fairly consistent since then. It's amazing how she is now sleeping consistently. And the biggest change we saw was the amount of time that has been freed up since she has putting herself to sleep. She no longer takes an hour and a half to nurse and and hour if she wakes up in the middle of the night. Naps are a little harder but she has been pretty consistent there as well. She can now sleep past they initial 30 minutes.

It's definitely not a cure-all since she does have not so good days, but in general sleep training has been great for all of us. I'm expecting not so good nights when she is not feeling well and during growth spurts, but it's better than dealing with it every day.

In conclusion, this method may have worked for us but it might not work for another family. Babies are so different that you really need to discover the method that will work best for you. Together with the gentle methods, like a routine and humming lullabies, and the cry-it-out method we used I really believe she has learned how to fall asleep on her own. I put her down drowsy after nursing and a lullaby, she gets her bearings, fusses a little, and falls asleep. Nothing like a little trial and error. Just make sure to do the research into the methods available. Talking to or reading about other people's experiences helped as well. Always, ALWAYS do what you feel most comfortable with. It's your baby.


This, too, can be your baby

Before I end this long post here is a list of websites that were incredibly useful while I was researching baby sleep. There are a ton of websites dedicated to baby sleep but these are the one I found really informative and helpful:
  • Baby Center - Useful Sleep Info - This was so, so, so helpful. Not only does this post talk about baby sleep and methods, but it has a breakdown of how much sleep baby needs at what age, types of cries, and comprehensive, readable info. All 3 links are a must read
  • Alpha Parent: Timeline of Baby and Toddler Sleep - I have this website open on a tab at all times. It's a great post about what to expect during a baby's development. I'm always referring back to it especially when Emily is coming close to the next month or milestone
  • No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley - This is actually a book. This was a great quick read. If you want to try this method, she makes it very easy to read and understand. Even though I didn't go with this method, there were still a lot of techniques and advice that I still used. For example, the Pantley method and using a lovey
  • 31 Ways to Get Your Baby to Sleep and Stay Asleep - A great list about baby sleep with includes advice and realistic views of baby sleep.
  • Sleep Tips for the Science-Minded Parent - Very good website with lots of great information overall
Do you have any other tips and suggestions? Please comment!

1 comment:

  1. "I also read a great quote that helped us decide to do this method. The hypothetical question was if your baby was reaching for a knife would we give it to them? No. And if they cry and throw a tantrum would we cave and give it to them? No. They don't know that it's not safe for them to have the knife so we teach them that they cannot have the knife. We are basically teaching the baby how to sleep even if they are resistant to learning."

    Love this. Thanks for sharing!

    ReplyDelete