Breastfeeding and Its Trials

So learning to breastfeed was the hardest thing ever, for me anyway. One may think that it should be easy and instinctual; mom produces the milk, baby latches on and drinks the milk. This is not the case. No matter how prepared you think you are, experiencing it is another matter. Not only is this new to mom, but it's new for the baby as well. While mom learns how to have the baby latch on properly and her body produces milk, baby is learning how to latch on and suckle.

So here's my experience on figuring it all out.



We did take a breastfeeding class, which did help, but experience was the ultimate teacher. After several calls to the midwife and lactation consultants and references online like Kellymom, I finally feel comfortable and confident enough to say that I got the hang of breastfeeding. It only took 2 months.

The first couple of days went well. But only because there were a team of nurses to help me make sure Emily had a good latch. Also, her stomach is super small (the first few days babies can only hold about a teaspoon of milk in their tummy) so even though she would nurse very frequently, there wasn't enough time for the nipples to really hurt. She would already be full and fall back asleep.

No matter how tired you are, keep nursing. The first couple of weeks is essential in helping mom get her milk supply going for baby and it also the hardest. The first few days is also when baby receives an enormous amount of healthy goodness by way of colostrum. It's super fatty and has tons of antibodies and nutrients to help the baby start their time outside the womb. So when she gives cues that she's hunger, start nursing even if you fed her an hour ago.

Sidebar: You measure time between feedings from the start of one session to the beginning of the next, not when the baby has finished. This will definitely make you feel like you are constantly feeding.

Sidebar 2: Hunger cues from the baby:

• Stirring in their sleep
• Rooting, which is where they have their heads turned and are actively looking for the breast
• Sucking on their hands
• Crying (but you don't want to get to this point. Try to feed before baby starts crying) 

It was a different story when we got home. The first night home seemed to go really well because it was just like being in the hospital but the next night was when everything changed. What they forget to tell you at the hospital (and at the class I took; there was only a vague reference of cluster feeding and none about growth spurts) is that the baby hits their first growth spurt around day 3 or 4. We heard of this but we weren't told when it would happen, just that it was a time where the baby will be really fussy and want to eat constantly. Well, it happened and we were at wits end. This is completely understated. I think new parents need to be aware that the first time you experience the baby's growth spurt and cluster feeding, you will feel awful.

Emily cried nonstop.

As I tried to nurse her, she still kept crying and fussing (which made me feel quite inadequate). Eventually, we called the midwife and lactation consultants for assistance. I had no idea what to do. I knew I wasn't producing enough milk for her and it was killing me. It does take a few days for actual milk to come in but because I also had the minor hemorrhage, that slowed my production down. It makes sense, in order for me to produce milk well, my body needed to recover first. 

Now this is the part that gets controversial. And I want to start by saying that this is what worked for me. Figuring out breastfeeding for mom and baby is dependent on them and shouldn't go by strict doctrine (unless it works). Just hearing the advice from the different midwives and lactation consultants proves that there's not real "right" way.

Formula vs. Breastmilk

I first spoke to a nurse because the midwife on call was unavailable. She recommended that we use a pacifier between feedings to give me a break from nursing. Not only do babies nurse for food, but they also nurse for comfort. It did help for a bit but she still cried a lot. So I called again and spoke to the midwife this time (my favorite midwife, actually). The midwife helped me out by confirming that I could offer her a pacifier to give my poor nipples a break. Also, I could supplement with a small amount of formula (0.5 oz) after a feeding session to help the baby get some nutrients in her and not get dehydrated. I did so and it seemed to work for several days. She calmed down after feedings and would be able to sleep. And since I used formula as a very last resort, I only fed it to her a handful of times. Also, after all the questions she asked about my progress breastfeeding, I was doing fine. It just didn't feel that way to me. Unlike a bottlefed baby, you cannot tell how much a breastfed baby is getting. I was obsessed with worrying if she was getting enough. She was so miserable and constantly hungry. Not to mention, mom and dad were not getting ANY sleep.

Sidebar: Ways you can tell your baby is getting enough milk:

• Weight gain (After the time where there is a dip in weight)
• There is about 6 wet diapers and about 3 dirty diapers a day
• Baby is sleeping soundly after a feeding and not fussy

Then she hit her one week growth spurt and we were at wits end again. This time, not only was she crying non-stop and not taking a pacifier, my breasts were also becoming engorged. There were warm and hard which is not a good sign. I had to really massage the hell out of them for Emily to get a small amount of milk, the whole while she is crying her head off. This time I spoke with a lactation consultant and when I told her what I was previously doing, she had a distinct silence of disapproval. After several questions, she told me everything seemed normal and to just keep her on the breast so that my milk supply would increase and catch up to what Emily needed. What we were going through was normal so there really isn't anything else to do. It is true that as the baby suckles more, signals are sent to your brain to produce more milk. I had done as the lactation consultant recommended and kept Emily on the breast all day for one day. HUGE MISTAKE. My nipples became not only sore (it's normal) but they were becoming scabbed and cracked which makes it more painful to breastfeed. That's when I realized that her advice was stupid and went back to the pacifier between feedings and supplemented with formula after an hour or so of breastfeeding. There is a limit to what my body could handle and backup was available so I used it.

I then decided to call the lactation consultant line again to see if I could get more advice and it was a different woman this time. I explained to her what was happening and that I could not continue keeping Emily on the breast. Again, she asked all the normal questions and said it sounded like everything was normal. And she said that she herself was not a purist and that giving Emily a little formula to supplement after a feeding and a pacifier in between is alright. It does not harm the baby in any way. She was very understanding and encouraging and it made me feel a lot better.

This was important because when Emily went for her first doctor's appointment she lost a little too much weight. It's normal for breastfed babies to lose a little weight after they are born, but they should not lose too much and should start gaining after a week or so. Her doctor advised us to supplement as well. When I did this, it seemed Emily was a lot happier, and after some time my milk started coming in fine and we were less stressed overall.

When a woman decides to breastfeed there seems to be this huge pressure to only breastfeed and that if you couldn't do it, there was something wrong. That's how I felt. I knew it was going to be hard, but I hadn't realized how demoralizing it felt. And breastfeeding "purists", no matter how much they understood, you couldn't stray from the breast. It was a bad thing to do otherwise. I feel like this is a main factor in why so many moms give up breastfeeding after a couple of months.

There is nothing wrong with formula. It was designed to keep a baby alive and growing. It's just not as good as breastmilk. Although science had made great advances with formula, it isn't as rich as breastmilk. It is also more expensive to keep a baby on formula.

Purists make it sound like if you gave your baby formula and breastmilk, the formula would negate the effects of the breastmilk, which is ridiculous. Then they mention nipple confusion. Well, Emily did not have a problem telling the different between a bottle and the breast. Also, it did not ruin her latch. But it really might differ from baby to baby. Same thing with the pacifier. They say you shouldn't give a newborn a pacifier because of nipple confusion (again) and it would tire out their jaw and they wouldn't be able to suck well when it was time to feed. There was no confusion and tiredness to where Emily couldn't breastfeed. There may be a chance for nipple confusion but give it a try than not try at all. It may make things better for the both of you.

I've been breastfeeding for about 3 months now and it has gotten easier. Not only has it gotten easier, I have not supplemented with formula for a while now. My milk is coming in great and Emily is drinking it up. We have finally made it to the point where we have a system that makes work. I still worry if she is getting enough milk though. Although at this point I really shouldn't. She's gaining weight really well (her cheeks are really chubby), her diaper output is normal and she is satisfied after feeding. But after weeks of being completely neurotic about it, the habit hasn't died yet.

What I learned from this experience is that you need to find that balance that works for you and your baby. Also, to think about your baby's health and not doctrine. If I kept Emily on the breast when it hurt the most, I would have probably given up right then and there. Or she would have lost more weight and deal with dehydration until my milk decided to come in and that is not good either. Lastly, I learned that having a great support system during the first few weeks was essential in helping trek on. David was amazingly supportive while I was dealing with my insecurities and worries with my milk coming in and making sure Emily was getting enough. He was also incredibly helpful in walking the baby so I could rest in between feedings. The midwives and lactation consultants were also supportive. Everything I told them was normal from what they told me but it was very reassuring to hear it from a professional and women who have gone through the same thing.

I'm very glad I stuck through it because I now enjoy the time Emily and I have while she's feeding. Although, I am looking forward to when she feeds more in one session and goes longer without feeding. Other than that, it's great.

So there's what I learned from breastfeeding. It worked out in the end for us but if breastfeeding does not work out for you, it's ok. You will still be providing your child with whatever they will need no matter what form it takes.